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All was status quo: dinner, baths, playtime..the usual. The kids were playing fine (if not quietly and sans sibling fights, because that would be asking for too much ;-). Until it was time for teeth brushing. Then, all chaos broke loose. Side note: why is it always at teeth brushing time?
The volume went up 10 decibels. Little feet began running chaotically around the house. The amount of not listening to instructions increased by a headache-inducing 5x. Then there was crying. Lots and lots and lots of crying. Running into rooms, slamming doors, and yelling. By ALL THREE KIDS. And I found myself severely triggered. I felt myself losing my cool. HOW AND WHY did this escalate so quickly?! Then the parents (hand raise), both start to dysregulate, and turn on each other. It’s exhausting, and frustrating, and mom-guilt inducing.
Better than I have done in the past in similar situations. Better in the way I bounced back from the triggers. Better in the way I even noticed myself being triggered. Better in the way I was able to step away, collect myself, and try again from a calmer demeanor. Better in the way I gave myself grace in the whole act of trying again (and again and again, you really need to know my youngest child to know what I mean here). Better in offering up a quicker self reflective apology and hug. Better in holding space for my kids without needing to make the whole experience more comfortable for me.
So, by a measure of improvement, I’m giving myself an A. And this growth, this ability to even do better, is all directly correlated to my own internal work I have been doing. The work I’ve done to regulate my nervous system. To understand my internal emotional needs and patterns. To go deep and understand how to meet my own needs. So while objectively, that was not my best moment, it was a great reminder of the significant improvement I’ve made. And I’ll take that. Because when I feel better, I do better.
-Kristy
